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HEY! It’s McKenzie.
The summer staff is reading Spiritual Direction, a book inspired by the thoughts of Henri Nouwen. To be honest, I am not really a fan of reading, and I really don’t enjoy being assigned chapters to read and having conversations about the assigned chapters. But, fortunately some things in the book have really stood out to me, so it makes the assigned reading a lot more bearable!
One chapter, called Who am I?, talks a lot about how we are God’s beloved. Even though the word beloved makes me cringe, the chapter has really made me consider the love God has for each of us. I am not sure that anyone can really comprehend this love, because no one I know can even come close to loving like God does.
Anyway, at one point in the chapter, the author is discussing how we answer the question, “Who Am I?” Like, if I were to write a definition of myself for everyone around me, what would I say? One paragraph says this:
“How much of our energy goes into defining ourselves by deciding “I am what I do,” “I am what others say about me,” or “I am what I have”? When that’s the case, life often follows a repetitive up-and-down motion. When people speak well about me, and when I do good things, and when I have a lot, I am quite up and excited. But when I start losing, when I suddenly find out that I can’t do some task anymore, when I learn that people talk against me, when I lose my friends, then I slip into the pit.”
He goes on to say that this approach to defining who we are is flat out wrong. None of these things define who I am. The only thing that truly defines who I am is that I am God’s beloved. It sounds kind of weird to say, “I am McKenzie and I am worth so much to God.” But it is so true and so forgotten in today’s world. It doesn’t matter that we have a lot of things. It doesn’t matter that we work 99 hours in one week. It doesn’t matter that a friend is talking against us right now. It doesn’t matter that we have made 400 mistakes in the past day. It doesn’t matter that we are recovering addicts. None of these things should be defining who we are.
Maybe this passage has a lot more significance to me than it does for you. This past week was one of those breaking points in my life – one that I think we all experience once in a while. Like when everything that you have been pouring yourself into backfires and breaks you so far down you can hardly breathe. Working in the store every day of every week all summer caught up to me, and I began to feel so weak and frustrated with every aspect of the store. I wanted there to be more clothes to give to the shoppers. I was frustrated with a few people who wait outside the store every day and ask for more. I was mad at myself for not being able to say no. I was mad that the kids’ clothes had run out again. All of these problems are out of my control, but I took all of them upon myself. If I was a better store manager, I should be able to provide for everyone. I heard people cursing me, saying that I couldn’t provide for their families. I saw people walk away disappointed that the store didn’t have what they needed. I heard Americans complaining that working in the store was boring. I was defining myself through the store, through the shoppers, through things that don’t matter.
The only thing that we should allow to define us is that we are worth so much to God, that we are His beloved. We are beautiful, precious beings to God, and we can never do anything that would make Him stop loving us.
Alright, that's all I have right now. Thanks for reading!
The summer staff is reading Spiritual Direction, a book inspired by the thoughts of Henri Nouwen. To be honest, I am not really a fan of reading, and I really don’t enjoy being assigned chapters to read and having conversations about the assigned chapters. But, fortunately some things in the book have really stood out to me, so it makes the assigned reading a lot more bearable!
One chapter, called Who am I?, talks a lot about how we are God’s beloved. Even though the word beloved makes me cringe, the chapter has really made me consider the love God has for each of us. I am not sure that anyone can really comprehend this love, because no one I know can even come close to loving like God does.
Anyway, at one point in the chapter, the author is discussing how we answer the question, “Who Am I?” Like, if I were to write a definition of myself for everyone around me, what would I say? One paragraph says this:
“How much of our energy goes into defining ourselves by deciding “I am what I do,” “I am what others say about me,” or “I am what I have”? When that’s the case, life often follows a repetitive up-and-down motion. When people speak well about me, and when I do good things, and when I have a lot, I am quite up and excited. But when I start losing, when I suddenly find out that I can’t do some task anymore, when I learn that people talk against me, when I lose my friends, then I slip into the pit.”
He goes on to say that this approach to defining who we are is flat out wrong. None of these things define who I am. The only thing that truly defines who I am is that I am God’s beloved. It sounds kind of weird to say, “I am McKenzie and I am worth so much to God.” But it is so true and so forgotten in today’s world. It doesn’t matter that we have a lot of things. It doesn’t matter that we work 99 hours in one week. It doesn’t matter that a friend is talking against us right now. It doesn’t matter that we have made 400 mistakes in the past day. It doesn’t matter that we are recovering addicts. None of these things should be defining who we are.
Maybe this passage has a lot more significance to me than it does for you. This past week was one of those breaking points in my life – one that I think we all experience once in a while. Like when everything that you have been pouring yourself into backfires and breaks you so far down you can hardly breathe. Working in the store every day of every week all summer caught up to me, and I began to feel so weak and frustrated with every aspect of the store. I wanted there to be more clothes to give to the shoppers. I was frustrated with a few people who wait outside the store every day and ask for more. I was mad at myself for not being able to say no. I was mad that the kids’ clothes had run out again. All of these problems are out of my control, but I took all of them upon myself. If I was a better store manager, I should be able to provide for everyone. I heard people cursing me, saying that I couldn’t provide for their families. I saw people walk away disappointed that the store didn’t have what they needed. I heard Americans complaining that working in the store was boring. I was defining myself through the store, through the shoppers, through things that don’t matter.
The only thing that we should allow to define us is that we are worth so much to God, that we are His beloved. We are beautiful, precious beings to God, and we can never do anything that would make Him stop loving us.
Alright, that's all I have right now. Thanks for reading!
